Words from the Master

A small story:

One man walked into a police station to complain that his wife was missing since three hours.
The policeman asked him, “Can you give me details about her height, weight etc.”
The man said, “Oh! I don’t know.”
The policeman asked, “What was she wearing when she left the house?”
The man said, “I did not notice, Sir. But wait, she took the dog with her. I know that.”
The policeman asked, “What dog is it?”
The man replied, “A dalmation breed with grey spots instead of black; he weighs 50 lbs and has a pure white tail with no spots on them; he wears a brown collar with a silver chain. His name is Spot.”
The policeman said, “That’s enough. We will find them!”

(Laughter!)

A husband and wife live with each other with a certain freshness for probably a few months after marriage. In those few months, they collect judgments about the other. After that, they don’t relate with each other at all. They don’t actually see the other person itself. They relate with the judgments, that’s all.

The husband relates with the judgments that he has collected about his wife and the wife relates with the judgments that she has collected about her husband. The actual husband and actual wife are different! They become four people in one house again.

Just do an honest check: How long is it since you looked into the eye of your husband or wife and spoke to him or her? A very long time I am sure. And we feel that the early days were golden days and that life has become boring. It is your attitude that makes it boring.

You give absolutely no room for a person to evolve. You are in such a hurry to typecast them. You don’t want to take in anything new on their account. I tell you, you don’t even see your wife or husband after a few years of marriage, because you are happy relating with your image of them.

What will happen then? You will land up like this man who was clueless about his own wife’s particulars! Not knowing a wife’s particulars is a very superficial level problem. The concept goes deeper than that. You actually miss the real person who is living with you. You live with your idea about the person, that’s all.

For just 24 hours, make up your mind that you will see your wife or husband as if you are seeing her for the first time. Receive every word or action of hers with a freshness and innocence without jumping to conclusions. Feel lovingness in you towards her. Even if she says things that provoke you, listen to those statements with awareness and respond in a calm and loving way, instead of in the usual argumentative way. You will see that you are actually opening out new avenues for both of you; you are giving the two of you a new space to evolve.

Suddenly, you will realize that all along it was your attitude that made things look miserable. Of course, you might say that the wife too must reciprocate. But I tell you: You have the power to transform yourself and others. With just a change in your mental makeup, you can do much. When you decide to change, your wife will automatically change her ways too.

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Guaranteed Solutions.