Ask The Master: 13 Dec 2007

Q. Beloved master, whenever I am in your presence, all questions disappear and everything seems possible. But when I am away from you, all the familiar doubts creep in. Why does this happen and what can I do about it?

If a question disappears on its own in my presence, then it is time to realize that it was not a true question at all; it was merely a play of the mind.

When you are with me, the mind is no more in control - you simply flow into meditation. You become a loving, serene silence. In this state, only a question that is truly your question, one that is completely relevant to you, will still remain with you.

In my presence, you become so intensely aware, so completely present, that there is no space for questions to arise. When you leave my presence, the mind is free to impose the past and the future upon your present. Your questions are a play of the past and the future upon your present.

Just like the ego, there is no point in fighting with or condemning the mind. It is a pointless struggle which you will be sure to lose. Instead, it is enough to be aware that this is the very nature of the mind; it can be expected to behave in no other way. It is bound to bring in anxiety, confusion, doubt. Just to be conscious of this is enough. Do not pass judgment on the mind for its inane activities - even to get angry with your mind is to lose your energy to it.

As you witness the workings of the mind, you will slowly become aware that you are not the mind - you are more than the mind; you are the watcher. Once deprived of your energy, the mind cannot go on! In the place of the chaos of thoughts that you call your mind, a clear, intense consciousness will arise. At that moment, all questions dissolve and the mind is no more. A glimpse of this is what you experience in my presence. And what I have just told you is the way to make it stay with you always - even when you are not with me! It is a slow process; give it time. It will happen.

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 11 Dec 2007

Q. Dear Master, is it necessary to renounce the world to realize the self?

To realize the self, there is only one thing you must be willing to renounce: ignorance. Self-realization has nothing to do with giving up the world. To run away from the world is just as bad as clinging to it; in both cases it is evident that the world is controlling your actions. Aversion to the world is as much a product of ignorance as attachment to it. They are just two sides of the same coin.

A person can live in a cave in the mountains and be obsessed with sansar (worldliness), while another can live in the world and yet be completely detached from its pull and push. To take sannyas is not to renounce the world, but simply to renounce both attachment and aversion to the world. The very same life, when seen through the mist of ignorance, is sansar, and when seen in the clear light of self-awareness, becomes sannyas.

It is true, sannyasins always lead a simple life, untouched by sansar. But for them, the renouncing of attachment and aversion is not an effort. When self-realization awakens, renouncement happens naturally.

The first step towards sannyas is to become aware of your inner conflict between attachment and aversion. As you witness it, you become aware that there is a core inside you that is beyond this conflict, a being that is completely unconcerned with the questions of ‘yes’ and ‘no’. This is your self, eternal and immutable. In the blaze of this awakening, all that is superfluous simply drops away like dead leaves from a tree. What remains is the completely essential - this is sannyas.

True sannyas is to live like a lotus in a lake, perfectly at ease in the muddy water, but untouched and unsullied by it.

A Zen story:

A master and his disciple were on their way from one village to the next. At the border of the villages flowed a shallow stream, which they usually crossed by wading through it.

This time, they discovered that due to heavy rains, the stream had swollen into a small river, too deep to wade across.

The disciple was alarmed, and inquired of the master, “Should we attempt to cross this river, master?”

Replied the master with a twinkle in his eye, “Certainly you should cross the river, my child. Just remember not to get your feet wet!”

This is the true meaning of sannyas. When you can cross the river of sansar, but the sansar can no longer wet you, you have found sannyas.

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 15 Dec 2007

Q. Dearest master, you say that skepticism is a big hindrance to learning. But you also urge us to voice our doubts. Why?

You can raise questions due to either skepticism or doubt. But there is a world of difference between the two. Skepticism is a state where one refuses to believe in anything at all. Just like that! The skeptic will raise arguments just for the sake of raising them. In this sense, skepticism itself is an unconscious belief; it is a foregone negative conclusion against anything and everything. The skeptic has no opinions and no ideology of his own; he only has an argument against whatever idea you place before him. He will argue against an idea for hours, and if you present another idea that is just the opposite, he will argue against it equally emphatically! Actually, he has already settled into a permanent attitude of ‘NO’ towards everything. In this sense, skepticism marks the end of the journey for the learner, because with this attitude it is impossible to get anywhere. The skeptic has closed himself to all possibility of change.

Doubt, on the other hand, is a state of openness and receptivity. Doubt is an acceptance of ‘I don’t know, but I can learn.’ This marks the beginning of the learner’s pilgrimage. Doubt is the path of the seeker; it simply seeks to eliminate all that is untrue in order to perceive the truth. A man with doubt listens with respect, not with defiance. He possesses the humility of the learner. His is the attitude of ‘YES’. He is only waiting to experience so that he can trust.

When a person of sharp intellect turns to skepticism, it is a dangerous sign - because it can be very ego-fulfilling to be able to put down all ideas in an effective manner. But ultimately, the skeptic is only burning his own bridges. Especially with a master, if you adopt the attitude of skepticism, there is just no way I can get through to you. There is no point in going to a doctor just to question the value of every pill in his prescription, is there?

So ask your questions, by all means. Just watch the attitude with which you ask them!

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 16 Nov 2007

Q. In our day-to-day relationships, won’t there always be some element of possessiveness, jealousy and so on in love?

No. If these exist in a relationship, then it is not a relationship of love at all; it is only an ego-fulfilling game masquerading as love.

If you love, you cannot possess – and vice-versa. One can only possess property. How dare anyone try to possess a being? Even to attempt that is to reduce someone who is energy to the status of gross matter. It reveals a deep-seated disrespect for the person. Then how can you relate with that person, or expect him/her to relate with you?

No matter how beautifully it is masked, the being senses this attitude of disrespect. That is why someone who is in a relationship with a possessive person will sooner or later try to break free.

As for jealousy, it is the complete antithesis to love. Jealousy tries to enforce love, trust and loyalty upon the other. It tries to grab from the other the very gifts that can only be given willingly and with joy. How can jealousy and love possibly co-exist?

Possessiveness and jealousy both arise from the same root cause - fear. The ego is a coward! It is forever afraid of losing its power over the other person. So it tries to trap the other in a cage. It demands a contract of loyalty, renewable daily. Its whole show of aggression is just so much drama to cover up its deep-seated fear.

Love, on the other hand, knows no fear. It trusts too much to feel fear. Love does not ask questions; it does not demand loyalty. It simply surrenders. When two people are truly in love, they are not surrendering to each other; they are both surrendering to the supreme experience of love.

The fact that you love is itself enough guarantee. There is no need for any other security. In truth, love trusts even if the trust is violated. It knows no other way. To react in any other way would mean destroying the other’s happiness, and one who truly loves can never bear to do that! Love does not know the language of jealousy and possessiveness. To bring these into a love relationship is the surest way to kill it.

Be warned!

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 10 Jan 2008

Q. How to conquer worry?

To even understand worry, we need to possess a deep insight into the nature of our own minds. The way into worry is through the mind, and only through the mind can we find a way out. Instead, we insist on searching for answers in all the wrong places - in external circumstances. We tell ourselves, ‘If only I had enough money there would be nothing to worry about; if only I was better-looking; if only, if only...’ This is a truly futile exercise.

A small story:

One evening Nitti Mudaliar was found searching earnestly for something in the courtyard before his house.

When his wife asked him about it, he replied that he had dropped a coin. His wife joined in the search.

Soon others gathered and practically the whole neighborhood was searching for the lost coin, to no avail.

Suddenly one young man asked Nitti, ‘Which is the exact spot where you dropped the coin? Even half an hour’s search has yielded no results!’

‘Oh’, said Nitti, ‘I lost the coin inside the house.’
‘Then why are we searching here?’ cried an amazed neighbour.
‘The problem is’, said Nitti, ‘I have no lights inside my house. Out here at least there’s the streetlamp. We can search by its light.’

It is an amusing story, is it not? But you must know that your behavior too is equally amusing. You too go about your search for freedom from worry in much the same manner without a clue as to its true causes and nature.

Once you understand how the mind works, this becomes simple. Just as a key can be used both to lock and unlock a door, you can use the words playing in your mind to sink into depression or rise into ecstasy.

The mantra to combat worry is simple: continuous positive thinking. Be alert. Whenever you become aware of a negative thought surfacing, begin to feed your mind positive thoughts instead. It is not an easy task, of course. In the beginning, when you utter positive words, your mind (which has been so well-trained to respond negatively) is not going to learn these words easily. A small corner of your mind will continue to protest, ‘Do you think I’m a fool to be taken in by a few positive words?’

But by and by, you can alter the quality of the mind. It is perfectly possible to change your mental programming. After all, it is you have programmed it! You know how to do it. Now just redo it in a different way, that’s all. The moment you see how easily worry can be created and destroyed by mere words, you will realize how unreal it is. To go beyond inner chatter for even a few moments is to become aware, to become alive.

The very understanding of how unnecessary worry is, naturally unlocks the treasures of the manipuraka chakra. Suffering dissolves of its own accord. And in its place arises that state which neither pleasure nor pain can disturb - the state of ananda, bliss. With gnana - knowledge and dhyana - meditation, awareness and practice, suffering itself can be the door that leads you to Nithyananda, eternal bliss.

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 12 Jan 2008

Q. I have just found a most wonderful partner, but I’m so worried that this relationship is too good to last!

Too good to last! This is really worry at its peak! To worry about not having anything to worry about is the most cunning game of the mind. The mind will never let you relax into the present - it has to keep imposing the past and future upon you. But to love is to forget both past and future - to surrender totally to the delights of the present.

Examine the true reason for your fear. Something that is simply too beautiful is happening to you. It is so beautiful that you feel you’ve done nothing to deserve it! So you start fearing the moment when it will be over. When is he going to find someone more beautiful, more talented, more rich? How am I going to prevent it? What will happen if he leaves?

But no matter how much you worry, is there any way you can prevent anything from happening? You don’t possess your partner. You don’t know when he might change his mind - you don’t even understand your own mind! To imagine that you can control the situation is sheer foolishness. Trying too hard to hold onto a relationship is the most certain way to destroy it. Ultimately, all insecurities arise from a lack of trust in oneself. In love, you simply have to trust yourself. Only then can you trust your partner, and trust in your relationship. There is no other way.

Of course, no one can promise you that your relationship will last. Why do you want it to? Change is the nature of life. Accept that the relationship is here today, and it is beautiful. Yes, it may not be the same tomorrow. Isn’t that all the more reason to enjoy it completely today? There will be enough time to feel the pain when it is over!

And the truth is, if you have loved completely, with your entire being, there will be no suffering in letting go of a relationship if it no longer works. To be afraid to love simply because it may not last, is as foolish as refusing to live because you are certain to die someday!

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 17 Dec 2007

Q. Beloved master, you tell us to ‘give our all’ in love. But what if the love is not appreciated or returned?

If you are truly in love, you will ‘give your all’ naturally. Love is an unconditional outpouring. In love, you don’t stop to ask yourself whether the other person deserves your ‘all’. In fact, there is no question at all of the other person’s worth. Love is a gift. If you were to measure the other person’s worth and give an equal and exact measure of love in return, that would simply be a bargain. It would be business, not love. In true love, this question of ‘should I give my all?’ would not be raised at all!

Now the issue of the love being appreciated. Tell me, what is your reason for loving? Is love a performance for which you need to be applauded? Is it not enough that you love? What is the need to look for any further reward? To ask for a returning of love is to seek some kind of control over your beloved. You refuse the other person the freedom not to love you in return. This is a kind of possessiveness, where you cage the other in the prison of your expectations. And as I keep repeating, love can never, never blossom in captivity.

Listen carefully: there are two kinds of love - love as a quantity, and love as a quality. When love is seen as a quantity, it results in the kind of selfish little exchanges that most people make all their lives. You hold out a tightly wrapped parcel of love to your man or woman, and expect them to promptly return an equal-sized parcel to you. If your partner should choose to give her parcel to someone else, or even to just open it and spread the love around, you feel cheated and angry. You are both bound to each other by a pact of reciprocation. You have to be ‘made for each other’. Sooner or later, this kind of arrangement leaves you cramped and frustrated, and in anger you withdraw your parcel and go off to find someone else to exchange it with. Or else your partner does that.

Now the kind of love I would like you to grow towards, is love experienced as a quality of your very being. This kind of love is simply an outpouring of one’s joy and gratitude, just for being alive. It is a fragrance of joy, it spreads itself around unconditionally. It does not need an object, it does not need a return gift. This kind of love is like sunshine or rain; it gives of itself unconditionally, and whomsoever stands within its circle can experience the warmth or the freshness without question. This love always enriches; it is the only kind of love that can be enjoyed without fear or guilt.

For love to become your quality, you must be willing to surrender yourself completely. Only in an egoless state can this love arise. This is not easy, but you can make a beginning. You will discover that simply through love and gratitude, you begin to let go of the ego, just a little. And as you let go, more and more love enters into that space. Try practicing this in your relationships. There’s no need to make a fuss about loving; don’t become serious in your love - just be totally sincere!

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 05 Jan 2008

Q. Why do we have this need to get approval all the time from others?

The sad truth is, we all stopped trusting ourselves a long time ago.

As children, each of us is strongly centered in our own being. Have you ever seen a little child worry about what people will think of him? But as we grow, society plays this idea constantly into our minds. Society teaches us to evaluate ourselves by the ideas and opinions of others - parents, teachers, friends, even strangers. As a result, we begin to believe less and less in ourselves. Without external support, without social ‘certificates’ for all our convictions and actions, we fear that our ego will collapse in no time.

When you worry about something, you feel as if you have a definite point of reference against which to measure yourself. That is why worrying seems to give a centre to your being, a direction to your life. Without worry, you feel as if your being has no axis about which to move! For this very reason, many of us are actually in love with our worries.

People come to me and say, ‘My business is going from bad to worse. I suffered heavy losses last month, and I know that next month is going to be even worse.’ So I ask them, ‘If you can foresee that, why don’t you close down your business right away?’ And they protest in horror, ‘What? What will I do then?’

What they actually mean is, ‘What will I worry about then?’ Without a reason to worry, your ego loses its moorings; it loses its reason for existence. That is why you choose to remain in the dimension of dukkha (worry). You cannot relate to the opposite dimension, ananda (bliss) – for in that dimension, you are nobody. To enjoy bliss, you need to first drop your ego. Are you ready to do that? No! You are ready to take on all worries, but you can’t let go of your ego! So you keep on finding excuses to worry. Most of all, you worry about the fact that everyone around you is happy, while only you are not. But the funny thing is that every single person feels the same way. How is this possible?

A small story:

In a certain kingdom, it came to the king’s notice that everybody was depressed, because they found themselves burdened with more than their fair share of worries, while no one else seemed to have any worries at all.

So the king announced a mega ‘worry exchange offer’, where people could trade their big worries for others’ minor ones.

A vast space was made ready, in the center of which stood a giant ‘worry pot’. Here each person could happily dump his own worries and pick up the worries of anyone else they chose.

The entire kingdom gathered for the event.
Strangers met and starting talking to each other.
In due course, the event was declared open. Not surprisingly, not a single person came forward – for who wants to drop his small, familiar worries, and take on the unknown worries of another instead!

The mind is the master of worry.

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 02 Jan 2008

Q. We in India have been brought up on the concept of karma - necessary suffering. Is suffering really essential in our lives?

To start with, it will help to realize that suffering is not a state of life, it is a state of mind. It is not an event in your life - it is your response to some event. Whether you suffer or not in a particular situation depends entirely on your reaction to that situation.

When do you undergo suffering? When you fall ill? When your neighbor gets a new car? When your boyfriend/girlfriend leaves you for someone else?

Well, suppose you decided to just accept these situations without anger or resentment; just as they are, so be it, would you still suffer as much? After all, there is nothing inherently painful about your neighbor getting a new car. Even if there is pain in the moment, as when a loved one leaves, you cannot wish it away. Try to accept - to welcome - the inevitability of the moment, without reaction. It is ONLY your negative response to an experience that allows it to hurt you. Don’t you see? No one or nothing can make you suffer without your silent permission!

Make a habit of witnessing experiences minus your personal judgment. Learn to recognize with clarity the causes of your suffering - the obvious and the subtle. The ability to do this will come - not in a day, but certainly through practice.

One of the most deeply hidden reasons for suffering is that you could be enjoying it! For example, falling ill can become a source of pleasure if it fetches you the attention and care you have been craving for. Examine why it sometimes gives you pleasure to inflict pain on yourself, or on others. Is there a better channel through which you can receive the same pleasure - without the suffering? Become aware - this is the first step.

The second is to accept totally the here and now - without question and without reaction. Awareness with acceptance - this is the only way out of suffering.

The second part of the question - is suffering essential?
Yes, in a way it is, because suffering can be a powerful catalyst to growth. Just like a seed first has to rupture before a plant can grow and blossom, intense suffering can break down the defenses of your ego, leaving you open and vulnerable to existence. With your usual thought patterns shattered, you begin to see things as they actually are. You begin to recognize a subtle distance between you and the pain - that it is not ‘your’ pain, something intrinsic to you.

In fact, pain is simply the response you’ve chosen to that particular situation. And once you see that, how can you suffer anymore? In consciously accepting your pain, you truly let go of it.

Suffering is not necessarily the key to bliss. But if you learn your lesson well, suffering can certainly open your eyes to the unreality of suffering. It can teach you how unnecessary it is to suffer at all. This is what I call ‘necessary suffering’!

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 18 Dec 2007

Q. Beloved master, in India we are brought up on rituals and idol worship. Are you for or against these?

First of all, I am neither for nor against idol worship or rituals - or anything, for that matter! But there is a reason why idol worship is so common in India, and elsewhere in the East. For a beginner on the spiritual journey, it is difficult to even conceive of the divine in the abstract. When given a form, it is crystallized into something he understands and can relate to. With an idol, he can commune with the divine in the language that he is familiar with. Our thousands of deities are nothing but expressions of the divine. And yet anyone can talk to them, pray to or play with them, seek solace or give thanks. The whole awesome, indefinable nature of the divine is scaled down to comforting proportions in the form of the deity. It has to be this way; the divine without form is simply too terrifying a concept for the ordinary mind.

At a deeper, subtler level, there is one more message being reinforced - the idol before you is cast in the same form as yours, and yet it is divine.

What does that say about you? Think about it. Even if you are an idol worshiper, there is no need to condemn yourself. As you grow spiritually, you will find yourself able to commune with the divine just as well without an idol. Just as children stop playing with dolls as they grow older, you will drop the idols of your own accord when the time comes. But right now if it gives you a sense of well-being to worship your favorite deity, do so by all means. Spirituality is a vast, shoreless ocean. When you are just learning to swim, it would certainly help your confidence to hold onto a lifebuoy, something you can be sure of, something that won’t let you down. As you grow stronger and surer, you will naturally shake off its hold and enter the deep waters, freely and fearlessly.

As for rituals, it has been scientifically proven that certain colors, sounds and actions can deeply impact your state of mind, activate desired areas of the brain, and expand your consciousness. Rituals have lost their credibility today only because their true meaning has been lost upon the masses over time. Only the shell of the ritual remains; the spirit has departed. But even if they seem irrelevant to you today, never underestimate the true potential of rituals. Rituals are the distillation of centuries of wisdom and the tapas of innumerable enlightened masters. When performed in the proper way, rituals have tremendous power to bring about unimaginable levels of awareness and change.

In the ashram, you may often find me performing pujas and yagas. The fact is, these mean nothing to me; I don’t need a channel to commune with the divine. These are for my people. I do this to draw you all into a familiar territory, a space where you feel secure and tranquil. In an atmosphere that years of worship have sanctified, bowing before your beloved deities and listening to the chanting of well-known mantras, a silent, meditative state is naturally induced in you. At this time you are completely open and surrendered, receptive to my energy.

This is the time when I can truly work upon you, without your knowledge and without your resistance. Can you understand me now?

(Of course, I have never given up being a child, and so I perfectly enjoy my play with these beautiful dolls - but that is another matter!)

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 12 Dec 2007

Q. Beloved master, how can we surrender the ego, when this wanting to surrender is itself an expression of the ego?

A question to you: How are you going to surrender the ego, when it does not exist? Suppose you are sitting in a dark room. You want the darkness to go out. Can you push it out? Can you fight the darkness and force it to leave the room? No! No matter how hard you try, you are ultimately going to be defeated - and that too by something which does not exist! Ego is like darkness; it has no positive existence. Just like darkness is simply the absence of light, the ego is nothing but the absence of awareness.

To struggle, to kill the ego, is like struggling to push darkness out of the room. To really expel the darkness, what you need to do is to forget all about dealing with the darkness and focus your energy on light instead. Just bring a small lamp into the room, and you will find that the darkness has fled on its own! So, I tell you to forget all about ego. Instead, focus on bringing a lamp of awareness into your being. When your entire consciousness has become a flame, you will find that the ego is no more.

The ego is an illusion. You cannot surrender it when you are unaware - because you don’t know how. Of course, you cannot surrender it when you become aware either - because then you realize that there is nothing left to surrender!

What you have heard, read, been taught, to ‘surrender the ego in order to attain self-realization’, is an utterly nonsensical idea. It can happen only the other way round. Self-realization dawns, and suddenly you cannot find the ego anymore. The surrender has already happened, just like that.

However, I am glad that the question has arisen in your being. The ego is the root cause for all your anxieties, sorrows, tension. It is your doorway to hell. To actively feel that you want to drop the ego, to feel the need to be rid of this burden, is itself a step towards awareness. It shows that you are stirring from your sleep!

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 8 Dec 2007

Q. Why do love and pain always go together?

All these questions point in the same direction. As long as there is a calculation, love is bound to result in pain. What we don’t realize is that we usually turn to another person to make up for some lack, some incompleteness that we perceive in ourselves. As long as that person ‘completes’ us by bolstering our ego, the relationship is one of ‘love’. But a time comes when the other person can no longer nurture and sustain our ego. When the ego is deprived of the other person’s support, the suppressed feelings of inadequacy, insecurity and fear are unleashed again.

Be clear: relationships do not cause pain; they only bring out the repressed pain that is already in you. And as long as you look to an external source to complete and fulfill you, this will continue to happen.

Try to be self-sufficient, centered in your own being. Try to focus on what you can give in a relationship, rather than what you can get out of it. The first lesson of love is, not to ask for love. In one way or the other, we are all begging for attention, begging for love. When you are yourself a beggar for love, how can you give love to the other? Don’t worry about whether your love is returned or not. Love is not a bargain; it is a gift. When love is an outpouring of one’s being, it does not wait for the right person or the right place or time. It does not even care about whether the love is reciprocated or not. You are so full of love that you feel compelled to share the experience, like a rain cloud needs to share its rain, or a flower its fragrance. This kind of love blesses both, the one who gives and the one who takes. It is only when both partners move from the ‘asking’ polarity to the ‘giving’ polarity of love that you can move beyond pain.

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 31 Dec 2007

Q. Why do love and pain always go hand in hand? I try to give a lot of freedom to my partner in my relationships, but just end up getting used.

In the first place, isn’t your idea of ‘giving freedom’ to your beloved a very wrong one? Love itself implies giving the other total freedom, unconditional freedom. To say that you are giving a certain amount of freedom to the other (whatever you consider necessary!) itself shows that you are holding back something in your giving.

It is natural to want to possess your beloved - that is the play of the ego. It is difficult to imagine that your beloved may need space and time away from you, isn’t it? You try to do the right thing - by ‘giving freedom’ to your lover. But when she actually uses that freedom, you end up feeling exploited. Honestly, you never expected that she would ever use that freedom to do her own thing, or to be with someone else, did you?

So understand what I am saying and don’t make the mistake of generalizing: every time I give freedom in my relationships, I get used. Are you sure the fault is not yours as well? The reason that love usually brings with it so much pain is that lovers unknowingly force each other into the golden cage of their own expectations. But true love can never blossom in captivity. You try and imprison your lover, and she does the same, time after time, until you end up feeling that love is so much misery that perhaps it is better not to love at all. But once you close yourself to love, what is left? Nothing!

Love can be a door to joy and freedom, or it can become a living hell. To experience love as pain is to miss the whole point of love. There is a saying, ‘If you love someone, set her free. If she is yours, she will come back to you; if she doesn’t come back, it means she never was yours anyway.’ Try following this, not just in your romantic attachments, but in all your relationships.

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 7 Dec 2007

Q. If there is conflict in a relationship, is it better to keep trying or to move on?

Good question. Love is the most dangerous path there is! Only those with great courage dare tread this path. At any bend on this path, you have to be prepared for great joy, great pain, great beauty, great struggle, or great understanding.

Yes, there is bound to be conflict in every relationship, because every individual is unique, and no two personalities fit together so perfectly that no rough edges remain.
If there is conflict, don’t sweep it under the carpet out of fear that it will destroy the relationship. On the contrary, ignoring it can do just that. Allow the conflict. Examine it. See what you can learn from it. Is it stemming from something in yourself that you are secretly unwilling to acknowledge? It is only in an intimate relationship that you discover yourself.

Your partner is like a foil reflecting your true nature. After all, who else dares point out your worst flaws with so much clarity? So examine the nature of your conflict. Also remember, in every relationship, there is a time to stay together and a time to move on. What kind of love do you share? Are you really, truly, surely in love? Do you relate deeply with each other, being to being?

Don’t look for reasons and arguments; don’t intellectualize the process - simply turn the question inwards with complete honesty and trust. The answer will arise on its own.

If your answer is ‘yes’, then understand that the issues of conflict are mere ripples on the surface of your relationship. These are just situations created by the ego to counter the sense of ‘no-self’, of surrender, that comes with love. Work around these situations with love and care.

If the answer you are hearing is ‘no’, then maybe it is time to move on. To remain in a relationship where there is no true relationship of being to being is sacrilege, unfair to you both. Love for you may be elsewhere. Don’t search for it; just be open to the possibility. In the meantime, don’t let the conflict destroy the relationship, destroy you both. Nobody deserves that. Accept that this is not the person for you, and move on without resentment or bitterness. Don’t destroy your own capacity for loving. To become bitter will only cause you more suffering, and destroy your faith in love itself. And that is the most dangerous thing that can happen to anyone.

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 27 Oct 2007

Q. Does true spirituality mean not to have any desires?

No, that is the wrong way of looking at it. From my experience, rather than cutting down desires, harness your inner energy better, so that you can fulfill your desires.

Q. But in modern-day life, there are too many desires, too many expectations. How do we reduce them?

To reduce desires is to reduce the richness of life. As I said, the important thing is to create the energy inside to fulfill those desires. There is nothing wrong in having desires, but you should work hard towards fulfilling the desires. Even if they are material desires, even if you want to buy a Benz car, nothing wrong. Meditation can give you the energy to fulfill even materialistic desires.

Q. But how can you go on increasing your desires, instead of leading a contented and desire-free life?

Don’t ever think of a contented life as a spiritual life. Sattva (goodness) and tamas (lethargy) may look the same on the surface. Do you think that anyone who wears simple clothes and sits on a mat on the floor is more sattvic and contented? That could be only the external appearance. It could also be that simply because he doesn’t have the energy, he may make do with whatever he has. Resignation and contentment are not the same, though they may appear so.

Q. But what if your mind is naturally content with what you have?

That kind of a mind is the natural by-product of spirituality. Don’t think that it can lead you to spirituality. It happens as a natural by product of spirituality. It happens from within. You can’t learn the attitude of contentment and try to make that a stepping stone to spirituality. People always ask you to learn to be content. Be very clear, you cannot learn to be content, you cannot acquire the attitude. Contentment has to flower within you as a natural result of spirituality, of meditation. Through meditation, you get a deep satisfaction from life, which allows you to be content with whatever you have.

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 19 Dec 2007

Q. Beloved master, what is karma?

Let me give you an idea about karma. Whenever an action has been started, but not fulfilled, there exists a force that pulls you to fulfill it, to bring it to completion. This force is karma. Whatever you have tasted, desired but not experienced completely, will continuously draw you to repeat that very experience, until you feel fulfillment. You will keep repeating that action till you actually become that experience, because you are fulfillment. You enter the body just to fulfill these actions. In the course of fulfillment, you meet all these things, these ‘troubles’. This is the explanation which I give for karma. All the other ideas – it is because of my bad karma that I got this disease; it is because of my good karma that I met my master - all these are just things we say after the event has happened. Whatever has happened, we give it the name karma.

The word karma is much misunderstood. I am not giving you an explanation for karma as we understand it. I don’t mean karma as fate or vidhi. According to my experience, there is no such thing as fate. The future is left completely open by Existence. It is we who decide.

Ramakrishna tells a beautiful story which will give you intellectual clarity on the subject. Of course, no one can give you existential, experiential clarity on karma as it really is; that clarity comes only with enlightenment. And when you are enlightened, you cannot express it!

Coming to the story on karma:

A cow is tied to a post with a 5-meter rope. Inside that perimeter it can sit, stand, feed, do whatever it pleases. Our life is just the same. We have a limited amount of freedom; the rest is in the hands of Existence. But Ramakrishna also adds, if we use our 5-meter freedom intelligently, it is possible that Existence will extend our rope, or even free us completely. That depends on both us and the master, on jiva (ordinary mortals) and Shiva. You can choose whether to remain in bondage or work towards being set free. Someone once asked me, ‘What if the cow learns to bite and break the rope?’

First of all, do you know where the rope is? To which limb it is tied? Where it begins and ends? Where to bite? How to bite? With an ordinary cow and rope, the cow can see these things. You people don’t even know what or where your rope is! So whatever I can give you is only a glimpse, an inspiration to enter into me, to enter into the experience.

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 5 Nov 2007

Q. [Journalist] I once surrendered to a guru but it didn’t work out...

Did you really surrender?

Q. Well, I tried my best to surrender.

One thing you need to understand. When you say you tried your best to surrender, it means surrender did not happen. If surrender had truly happened, this question, this doubt would not be there. It is only a way to hide confusion and hypocrisy.

We all happily keep some beautiful idea of religion in our minds, but carry on with our practical life in any which way we please. Religion is something you have to tune your whole life to; it is not a part-time amusement.

The truth is, whatever life you are leading, that is your true religion. It may be money, it may be power, it may be sex. That is your religion. That is why you are living your whole life according to that ideology!

Do you understand? Try and find out just what your religion actually is. To keep your ideology and your life separate is hypocrisy. Whatever you call your religion, you must be willing to practice it completely in your life.

Q. But I had a strong belief in this particular guru’s ideology. Still...

See, I told you, religion is not that which remains a belief. It should turn into your very life. To keep religion and life separate is a kind of schizophrenia. Hypocrisy takes over our being. If you believe that a certain way of life or a certain ideology is right, you should be willing to transform your whole life in that way. Otherwise, search for whatever you feel is the truth.

Something that does not change your life cannot be the truth to you. If something is the real truth, a mere touch itself can transform your life. If it doesn’t transform you from within, let go of it. Don’t hold on and complain. That ideology was not the right one for you, that’s all.

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 23 Dec 2007

Q. Why do we have emotional pains?

A true story:

The other day, a handsome young man belonging to an orthodox family was brought to our healing center. His complaint was sudden blindness.

His parents started weeping and told me that the boy was in excellent health, and had turned blind just a week earlier. All medical tests revealed perfect vision, but he couldn’t see!

After scanning his energy, I asked to spend a few moments alone with him. As soon as he was allowed to talk to me in private, the boy poured out his troubles to me. He said that he was deeply in love with a girl, but had been forced by his parents to stop seeing her.

I immediately figured out the root cause of the problem. I asked the boy to procure a photograph of the girl, and spend the next three days meditating upon it continuously. His parents were taken aback at this unconventional solution, that too from a spiritual man! But you will be amazed: the technique worked a wonder. In 3 days, the boy regained his vision perfectly.

Why did this happen?
When the boy was compelled not to see what he most wanted to see, his subconscious mind decided not to see anything at all. His blindness was deeply psychological. What tremendous power the mind has over the senses! The mind is everything.

Actually, pain is a requisition letter written by the body to the mind saying, ‘Please pay me some attention!’ Understand: your attention is your energy. Wherever you direct your attention, there your energy is also directed, and in that direction you witness growth.

You invite pain upon yourself.

Not many people will believe it if they are told that all their pains are those they have invited upon themselves, like honored guests into their household. Yet this is true.

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 4 Nov 2007

Q.[Journalist] Because of a few wrongdoers in saffron robes, the image of sadhus has been tainted…

OK, let me ask you a question. When Harshad Mehta – I am sure you remember him from the Mumbai stock-market scam – when he cheated the country of millions, he was wearing trousers and shirt. Does that mean that everyone wearing trousers and a shirt is a Harshad Mehta? And if you think so, is that the fault of those who wear those clothes, or a fault in your perception? There have been cases where hundreds of false doctors have been arrested for defrauding the public. So do you now look at every doctor with suspicion? Have you stopped going to the doctor? COME OUT! Forget the old arguments. These are just escape routes.

The spiritual masters don’t lose anything because of your ignorance. If you miss me, you lose me, that’s all. In every field there will be frauds. Use your intelligence, check out and choose properly, instead of denouncing the whole community as frauds. Because of this misconception, even the genuine masters are not recognized.

See now, how much clearing work I have to do – sorting out your false concepts, working past your prejudices, giving proof, etc., etc. I have to establish my credentials first before I can get to the point and give you the new religion, which is spirituality. It is a gradual change, but it must happen. Our social concepts about spiritual figures have to change. Otherwise the masters will be forced to turn their attention to countries where people are ready to receive their message with an open mind. That will mark the decline of the Indian society.

See, you are journalists. You are going to carry this message to society. Before you do that, I want you to be very clear about what I am saying. I want to know whether you yourself are convinced about what I say. If not, question it. Please question it.

The only thing is, keep an open mind. Don’t come with your prejudice and foregone conclusions. Alright, so are you convinced?

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions

Ask The Master: 22 Oct 2007

Q. What are the benefits of meditation in today’s society? At any time and age, what does every human being need in life?


Strength and well-being of the body, mind and spirit. The strength of the body (sharirbal) keeps us free of physical diseases and helps the body maintain itself in such a way that we can carry on our day-to-day activities without any problem. The strength of the mind (manobal) keeps our minds calm and balanced and helps us live life fully and joyfully. The strength of the spirit (atmabal) takes us beyond both of these. With atmabal, there arises a sense of compassion, a spirit of tyaag (sacrifice), of service to society. While the other two are necessary only for the continuation and well-being of the individual, atmabal is essential for the continuation and well-being of society and humanity.

With only bodily strength, a man can become a thug, a rowdy, a nuisance in society. If he possesses bodily and mental strength without the strength of spirit, he becomes cunning, dangerous. He could become a criminal, a menace to society. Only when man combines all three strengths does he flower as a complete individual. He becomes an asset to the society in which he lives, and to the world.

The single master key that can unlock all these strengths is meditation. It is now well known that meditation can work wonders for the body. Through meditation, one can cure diseases like low or high blood pressure, diabetes, hypertension and a whole range of ailments. Many have experienced these benefits for all kinds of pains; even intellectuals agree on this matter.

Meditation helps you cleanse your chakras. Have you all heard about the chakras? In our body, there are seven subtle energy centers which control our physical, mental and emotional activities. When all these chakras are functioning harmoniously, only then do you experience a sense of physical well-being. Meditation works on your chakras; it helps cleanse the chakras, to make them function harmoniously, to keep your body and mind free of disease.

On the mental level, meditation can free the mind from depression. It can help us acquire greater mental clarity, and be a guide to us to live our lives more completely and with a sense of fulfillment, both individually and as a part of the family and society. Meditation helps us make fuller use of our time and energy, so naturally we get increased material comfort also.

In the same way, meditation helps bring out our atmashakti (strength of the soul) and creates a deep sense of peace. When bliss flowers inside us, we naturally want to spread it in society. If we ourselves are miserable, how can we be of any use to society? So meditation is the one route that gives us all these three strengths.

Meditation benefits us on the physical, mental and spiritual planes. It enhances family life and social life, and ultimately leads us to spiritual life. This is the wisdom gathered by the great enlightened masters over the centuries.

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions