Ask The Master: 16 Nov 2007

Q. In our day-to-day relationships, won’t there always be some element of possessiveness, jealousy and so on in love?

No. If these exist in a relationship, then it is not a relationship of love at all; it is only an ego-fulfilling game masquerading as love.

If you love, you cannot possess – and vice-versa. One can only possess property. How dare anyone try to possess a being? Even to attempt that is to reduce someone who is energy to the status of gross matter. It reveals a deep-seated disrespect for the person. Then how can you relate with that person, or expect him/her to relate with you?

No matter how beautifully it is masked, the being senses this attitude of disrespect. That is why someone who is in a relationship with a possessive person will sooner or later try to break free.

As for jealousy, it is the complete antithesis to love. Jealousy tries to enforce love, trust and loyalty upon the other. It tries to grab from the other the very gifts that can only be given willingly and with joy. How can jealousy and love possibly co-exist?

Possessiveness and jealousy both arise from the same root cause - fear. The ego is a coward! It is forever afraid of losing its power over the other person. So it tries to trap the other in a cage. It demands a contract of loyalty, renewable daily. Its whole show of aggression is just so much drama to cover up its deep-seated fear.

Love, on the other hand, knows no fear. It trusts too much to feel fear. Love does not ask questions; it does not demand loyalty. It simply surrenders. When two people are truly in love, they are not surrendering to each other; they are both surrendering to the supreme experience of love.

The fact that you love is itself enough guarantee. There is no need for any other security. In truth, love trusts even if the trust is violated. It knows no other way. To react in any other way would mean destroying the other’s happiness, and one who truly loves can never bear to do that! Love does not know the language of jealousy and possessiveness. To bring these into a love relationship is the surest way to kill it.

Be warned!

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions