Words from the Master

Swamiji, your face appears to be changing every time to me. Is it my imagination or is it true?
(Swamiji laughs!)

See understand: My Being is liquid without any ego. I just flow with Existence and whatever I express flows like liquid and you perceive it in my face. That is the reason why my face appears to be changing all the time! You will understand how an egoless state expresses, when we talk about the next chakra, the Ajna chakra.
Yes…

Swamiji, how do we get over possessiveness and jealousy?

Yes, how do we get over it. The fact that you have asked this question shows that you are ready for better understanding.

Understand one thing: Human beings can never be possessed. When you try to possess a person, you actually reduce him or her to an object. You make the person as a dead thing. Only dead things can be possessed. Understand this very clearly, then you will be free from possessiveness and the jealousy that arises out of it.

Just see every human being as a river that is flowing, and simply enjoy what he or she brings along. Can you try to possess a river? If you try to grasp the water in your hand, you will be doing a foolish thing, is it not? In the same way, don’t try to possess people; just enjoy them for what they are and you will be free from the grips of jealousy.

You will then understand that possessiveness is something that is created out of your own deep, complicated mind to which you have given so much power.

When you try to possess a person, it becomes difficult for that person also. You will start projecting all your ideas on him. He will have to act so as to gel with your projected ideas. He will feel caged. He becomes divided in his personality. He cannot be his natural self with you. And this cannot be called a relationship!

If you really love a person, liberate him! Don’t try to possess him; only then a real relationship can blossom; only then, a relationship not dependent on anything except deep love and trust can blossom. The moment you try to hang on to something, you have missed it. Just love him with no strings attached.

I am reminded of a story:

In a remote village in South India, where people did not know that civilization existed, there was an old couple.
One day, for the first time ever, there was a fair in the village.
The man went to the fair and saw all the items on show.
He picked up a mirror and was awestruck by what he saw!
He had never seen a mirror in all his life before.
He took it home with him.
Now and then he would take out the mirror, glance at it and put it back before his wife could see it.
The wife however noticed it and when he was out one day, she picked it up and looked into it.
She exclaimed, “Another woman! Just as I had thought!”

(Laughter!)

There is no end to our imagination because of our possessiveness and jealousy! Almost always, our imagination is not in tune with reality. If we just stop and look deeply into our jealousy, we will understand that it is baseless and needless.

Of course, you might say, “Swamiji, how can I keep quiet if my husband or wife is eyeing someone else.” If your husband or wife is really eyeing another person, just look into the matter consciously and with full awareness, instead of getting into an unconscious mode of action.

When you look into possessiveness and jealousy with awareness, you will not be gripped by undue imagination or emotions. You will be able to see things in the right light and behave appropriately and take the right decisions.

By telling yourself not to feel jealous, you can never come out of it. Only if you bring awareness into the whole thing and understand deeply, it will help.

To overcome jealousy, just see how the jealousy came into your system, just analyze the sequence of thoughts and emotions in your system and then undo it by reasoning out the whole process with your intelligence.

Once you understand that jealousy is like a shadow without an object, you will realize how absurd it is and how much it has tormented you. Getting liberation from jealousy is a great liberation in one’s life.

Also, don’t condemn the object of your jealousy. Just by condemning the object of jealousy, you will not be liberated from jealousy itself, because the moment you start condemning, it means that there is a wound inside, which you are trying to cover up.

By condemning the object of jealousy, you might be liberated from that particular object of jealousy, but you will simply get fixed onto another object of jealousy, that’s all! It is like saying ‘sour grapes’ and moving on to another vineyard! So, trying to overcome the object of jealousy is not the solution. You need to work on the subject that is you.

Always remember: If you feel that you are holding an emotion that you wish to get rid of, something that you feel is not conducive to your growth, don’t resist that emotion. When you resist it, you will only be empowering it more. When you say, “I should not get jealous,” you will be giving the same power to the word ‘jealous’ as you give to the words ‘I should not’.

Therefore don’t say things like this. Instead, say to yourself, “Let me be always compassionate towards everyone.” Don’t use the word ‘jealous’ at all. By negating the emotion, you will not achieve what you want. Say something totally positive in the same context, that’s all.

Also, instead of avoiding or running away from jealousy, live it through with total awareness. When you try to avoid it, it will confront you at some other time with more intensity than before. Remember one thing with deep awareness: Jealousy is not your true nature. Society taught you to be jealous.

Just believe that jealousy is not you, that is enough. Then automatically, you will laugh at it instead of being involved in it. When you are able to laugh at it, it means you have started witnessing it instead of being a part of it. The moment you become a witness, it becomes easy to go beyond anything.

Also, if you see that the whole of Existence is nothing but a Divine play, you will be able to see that this so-called jealous feeling is also a divine play and has no reality in itself. Just see jealousy objectively instead of being caught in it. It will automatically lose its power over you.

If you understand that you are unique and there is no one in this world like you, the comparing nature in you will become meaningless and you will automatically stop feeling jealous. Just try to understand that Existence loves everyone and everything equally.

Yes…

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Guaranteed Solutions.