Ask The Master: 12 Jan 2008

Q. I have just found a most wonderful partner, but I’m so worried that this relationship is too good to last!

Too good to last! This is really worry at its peak! To worry about not having anything to worry about is the most cunning game of the mind. The mind will never let you relax into the present - it has to keep imposing the past and future upon you. But to love is to forget both past and future - to surrender totally to the delights of the present.

Examine the true reason for your fear. Something that is simply too beautiful is happening to you. It is so beautiful that you feel you’ve done nothing to deserve it! So you start fearing the moment when it will be over. When is he going to find someone more beautiful, more talented, more rich? How am I going to prevent it? What will happen if he leaves?

But no matter how much you worry, is there any way you can prevent anything from happening? You don’t possess your partner. You don’t know when he might change his mind - you don’t even understand your own mind! To imagine that you can control the situation is sheer foolishness. Trying too hard to hold onto a relationship is the most certain way to destroy it. Ultimately, all insecurities arise from a lack of trust in oneself. In love, you simply have to trust yourself. Only then can you trust your partner, and trust in your relationship. There is no other way.

Of course, no one can promise you that your relationship will last. Why do you want it to? Change is the nature of life. Accept that the relationship is here today, and it is beautiful. Yes, it may not be the same tomorrow. Isn’t that all the more reason to enjoy it completely today? There will be enough time to feel the pain when it is over!

And the truth is, if you have loved completely, with your entire being, there will be no suffering in letting go of a relationship if it no longer works. To be afraid to love simply because it may not last, is as foolish as refusing to live because you are certain to die someday!

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions