Ask The Master: 11 Jan 2008

Q. How can I stop comparing myself to others and being miserable?

At least you have realized that comparison only brings misery - that is a good beginning! Buddha makes a statement of tremendous significance. He says, ‘Nothing exists except in relationship. Everything is relative, and draws its meaning only from its relationship with something else.’

What are the words you use to compare yourself to others?
Beautiful. Rich. Clever. Unlucky. Young. Weak and so on.

Now, imagine yourself on some new planet, where nobody lived but you. Would you then be beautiful or ugly? Tall or short? Rich or poor? Without anyone to compare with, these words lose their very meaning, because they are only concepts formulated by the mind; they have no real existence.

Try this. Close your eyes for a few moments. Imagine yourself all alone in the world. Do you feel ugly or beautiful inside? Foolish or wise? Where are all these concepts then? Only the fact that you exist remains - because that is the only truth.

To compare yourself with someone else is foolishness, because you can never be anyone else - and no one else can be you! Look around you. Do you know anyone else who is exactly the same as you? Don’t you see how special you are?

It is said that the disciple of a Zen master once asked him, ‘Tell me master, when will I become like Buddha?’
In answer, the master slapped him furiously across the face.

Why? Was it because the disciple was hoping for too much? No. The master simply had to jolt the disciple into the awareness that he was already a Buddha! How can you want to become something that you already are? You are so out of touch with your inner being that you have forgotten how extraordinary you really are. Once you realize this, the need to compare dies naturally. Even if you wanted to, each person is so different; where is a common point of reference?

So drop the attitude of comparison. Remember, you are truly unique - just like everyone else!

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions