Q. Why do we have this need to get approval all the time from others?
The sad truth is, we all stopped trusting ourselves a long time ago.
As children, each of us is strongly centered in our own being. Have you ever seen a little child worry about what people will think of him? But as we grow, society plays this idea constantly into our minds. Society teaches us to evaluate ourselves by the ideas and opinions of others - parents, teachers, friends, even strangers. As a result, we begin to believe less and less in ourselves. Without external support, without social ‘certificates’ for all our convictions and actions, we fear that our ego will collapse in no time.
When you worry about something, you feel as if you have a definite point of reference against which to measure yourself. That is why worrying seems to give a centre to your being, a direction to your life. Without worry, you feel as if your being has no axis about which to move! For this very reason, many of us are actually in love with our worries.
People come to me and say, ‘My business is going from bad to worse. I suffered heavy losses last month, and I know that next month is going to be even worse.’ So I ask them, ‘If you can foresee that, why don’t you close down your business right away?’ And they protest in horror, ‘What? What will I do then?’
What they actually mean is, ‘What will I worry about then?’ Without a reason to worry, your ego loses its moorings; it loses its reason for existence. That is why you choose to remain in the dimension of dukkha (worry). You cannot relate to the opposite dimension, ananda (bliss) – for in that dimension, you are nobody. To enjoy bliss, you need to first drop your ego. Are you ready to do that? No! You are ready to take on all worries, but you can’t let go of your ego! So you keep on finding excuses to worry. Most of all, you worry about the fact that everyone around you is happy, while only you are not. But the funny thing is that every single person feels the same way. How is this possible?
A small story:
In a certain kingdom, it came to the king’s notice that everybody was depressed, because they found themselves burdened with more than their fair share of worries, while no one else seemed to have any worries at all.
So the king announced a mega ‘worry exchange offer’, where people could trade their big worries for others’ minor ones.
A vast space was made ready, in the center of which stood a giant ‘worry pot’. Here each person could happily dump his own worries and pick up the worries of anyone else they chose.
The entire kingdom gathered for the event.
Strangers met and starting talking to each other.
In due course, the event was declared open. Not surprisingly, not a single person came forward – for who wants to drop his small, familiar worries, and take on the unknown worries of another instead!
The mind is the master of worry.
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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions
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