Ask The Master: 04 Jan 2008

Q. Why do we worry?

Listen carefully. The question I ask is not, ‘What do you worry about?’ For even a ten-year-old would be able to answer that one!

Stop worrying about your worries!

We are all ready with a list of things that get us worried - money, work, relationships, illness - just about anything under the sun could be a source of worry. Strangely, for some, the opposite reasons could be a cause of worry! When questioned, one person says, ‘I don’t have children, that is my problem’, while his neighbour protests, ‘I have children, that is my problem’! Money and the lack of money are both perceived equally as problems by different people. If one can’t invent worries, even the lack of worry could become something to worry about! In fact, elderly retired people often come to me with the complaint that they have nothing to do and no one to worry about, and therefore no reason to go on living!

We come from all walks of life – different cultures, financial conditions, age groups. Yet we all worry just the same. If external circumstances were the sole cause of worry, why would we all suffer in the same way?

The real reason we worry lies deep within ourselves. Look deeply into your worry. You will find that worry, like any kind of suffering, is not an external event in your life. Rather, it is your response to an event. Whether a situation makes you worry or not depends entirely on how you choose to react to that situation.

Just suppose your friend lands himself a great job. There are two ways you could perceive the situation. You could think, ‘He’s got a great job.’ Or you could think, ‘Oh my God, he’s got a great job! What about me? What am I going to do? What will my wife say? Should I start looking out for another job? What if I’m not good enough? Why doesn’t anything ever go right for me?’

Do you see how worry slips into the situation even without your being aware of it? After all, there is nothing inherently painful in your friend getting a great job. Worry is simply what happens when you constantly check yourself against external frames of reference. Am I doing as well as the neighbors? Is my boss impressed with me? What will my kids think?

Worry can become a need!

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions