Ask The Master: 02 Jan 2008

Q. We in India have been brought up on the concept of karma - necessary suffering. Is suffering really essential in our lives?

To start with, it will help to realize that suffering is not a state of life, it is a state of mind. It is not an event in your life - it is your response to some event. Whether you suffer or not in a particular situation depends entirely on your reaction to that situation.

When do you undergo suffering? When you fall ill? When your neighbor gets a new car? When your boyfriend/girlfriend leaves you for someone else?

Well, suppose you decided to just accept these situations without anger or resentment; just as they are, so be it, would you still suffer as much? After all, there is nothing inherently painful about your neighbor getting a new car. Even if there is pain in the moment, as when a loved one leaves, you cannot wish it away. Try to accept - to welcome - the inevitability of the moment, without reaction. It is ONLY your negative response to an experience that allows it to hurt you. Don’t you see? No one or nothing can make you suffer without your silent permission!

Make a habit of witnessing experiences minus your personal judgment. Learn to recognize with clarity the causes of your suffering - the obvious and the subtle. The ability to do this will come - not in a day, but certainly through practice.

One of the most deeply hidden reasons for suffering is that you could be enjoying it! For example, falling ill can become a source of pleasure if it fetches you the attention and care you have been craving for. Examine why it sometimes gives you pleasure to inflict pain on yourself, or on others. Is there a better channel through which you can receive the same pleasure - without the suffering? Become aware - this is the first step.

The second is to accept totally the here and now - without question and without reaction. Awareness with acceptance - this is the only way out of suffering.

The second part of the question - is suffering essential?
Yes, in a way it is, because suffering can be a powerful catalyst to growth. Just like a seed first has to rupture before a plant can grow and blossom, intense suffering can break down the defenses of your ego, leaving you open and vulnerable to existence. With your usual thought patterns shattered, you begin to see things as they actually are. You begin to recognize a subtle distance between you and the pain - that it is not ‘your’ pain, something intrinsic to you.

In fact, pain is simply the response you’ve chosen to that particular situation. And once you see that, how can you suffer anymore? In consciously accepting your pain, you truly let go of it.

Suffering is not necessarily the key to bliss. But if you learn your lesson well, suffering can certainly open your eyes to the unreality of suffering. It can teach you how unnecessary it is to suffer at all. This is what I call ‘necessary suffering’!

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This excerpt has been taken from the book: Uncommon Answers to Common Questions